“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.”

-Matthew 10:37

I stopped going to church with my husband, it didn’t feel right. I thought it was his lying. Standing in that pew next to him, felt so disgusting to me. It felt like a lie. Somewhere I let man or the idea of a man put a strain on my relationship with God.

2 weeks after my husband and I separated I felt the urge to go to church. A giant weight off. I felt lighter. So I got in the car to go to church, and “Like a Prayer” by Madonna came on. I heard it differently for the first time.

“I hear you call my name… And it feels like home”

I heard God. I no longer heard the fantasy I used to.

“I’m down in my knees, I wanna take you there.”

I no longer saw myself pleasing a man, instead I was down in my knees praying. Asking for forgiveness.

“I can feel your power.”

God’s power. Not man.

“I have no choice.”

God is in control of my life. I need to give control to God.

“Like a child, you whisper softly to me ”

God not man.

“You’re in control. Just like a child.”

God is in control. Child of God.

“You’re here with me.”

Always.

“Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone.”

It is a mystery, how a song that once provoked such a strong sexual fantasy in my mind is playing but now I can only think of God. I must stand alone. Separate from man.