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July 28th, 2026
Today was a good day, after several rougher days. I am working on giving myself grace. Today I had the energy to get things done, but sometimes I get a little frustrated that I don’t feel like this every day. For the past several days I have been meaning to give the lambs dewormer but…
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July 27th, 2026
I’ve been divorced over 3 months now, I’m still struggling. Healing from abuse and trying to find myself again. I can’t feel the way I normally would. I am struggling to grieve the loss of my mom. I also feel as though I’m struggling to connect with people about their problems because my empathy is…
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July 25th 2026
I have been struggling lately. I don’t trust myself and I am struggling to make decisions. I want to write about the past year but reading my journal is difficult. Recalling what happened is difficult. I can’t remember my ex husband’s words. I can’t remember all the details, I don’t trust my memory. The cognitive…
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September 2025
Last night I held my mom’s hand as she passed away. In the chaos of trying to leave the hospital, I was left in the room with just Mom and my sleeping 7-month old. I did what most people would do and I reached for my phone. Somehow either my sister or Dad had taken…
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Sunday (End of August 2025)
I went to church this morning. Mom is in the hospital. River and Zayne both appear to have a cold. Hung out with Dad for a bit after church. Made steaks. I’m having a slightly off day.
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Love and Forgive (August 2025)
When I saw I was getting that big check I was like “yay cool, I’m going to be good without K (my soon to be ex-husband), just 5 more months to go. Then I heard “forgive him and love him” Ugh… So here I am. Praying for my marriage. Praying for K but I know…
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August 25th, 2025
Mom and I talked for a while today, she said that if she goes back into the ICU she wants us to pray for peace and that she doesn’t want to deal with recovering again. I can understand that, hopefully I’ll be able to respect her wishes.
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August 25th 2025
Today L (the man who left me a large check when he passed) would have been 75. I have so many emotions running through my body. Last night I was looking for the CDs L had given me. I found them with a picture of B (my ex who had passed away 2 months ago.)…
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August 23rd 2025
I was raped, I blamed myself. He died, I blamed myself. It’s not my fault. Other people’s choices are not my problem. I cannot save people. I can beg. I can plead, I can explain and I can still be betrayed. It’s not my fault. It’s not my problem. My reaction, that’s my choice.
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More Fear in August 2025
I pictured my babies being out with a man I didn’t trust. I pictured leaving a divorce with no house of my own, despite having 2 fully paid for before I got married. I pictured the ultimate betrayal from my husband. As I pictured all of this in my head, I prayed. Even if the…