It’s been a year since I began to realize the depth of the abuse I suffered. I knew it was bad but when you are in it, you are too close to see the bigger picture. Even now I don’t think I fully grasp it, but giving myself time and grace.

I thought I was the problem, I thought I was crazy. Delusional. Last year around this time I stumbled on a video of my ex husband and his mother speaking to his grandmother (her mother) the same way he would speak to me. I couldn’t even watch the entire video. Then I realized that it is what I had been living for years.

I felt so bad for his grandmother in the video, I could see how confused and angry she was. Why couldn’t I feel that for myself?