“Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.”
-Proverbs 10:19
I talk a lot. There is basically nothing I won’t share. I listen a lot too, to other people’s advice. Sometimes I get so much advice it makes my head spin. I allow other people’s ideas, doubts, and insecurities penetrate my heart. We all mean well, hopefully, but sometimes we get in each other’s way.
I’ve known I need to work on my mouth for while. I’ve been told to write, not speak, over and over again. I’ve been told to be quiet yet I keep on talking. Then God finally really told me to be quiet. To be still.
Several people kindly told me to be quiet. I kept talking. I needed outside validation. I lost myself at some point, and I was ok with that because to be honest I didn’t much like myself anyways.
Then someone who didn’t even know the situation sent me a verse about being quiet or shutting my mouth (something like that.) I decided I would do a fast from speaking. I figured I’d start with 5 hours on Sunday because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone I already had plans with.
Then for once I realized maybe I should do what I need for me, for God. I messaged several people and told them what I was going to do.
Then Friday night I started. Saturday morning it felt weird at first, but then it quickly began to feel amazing. I still went out shopping, I smiled, I even wrote down my order for the pet store. It felt amazing.
I am always trying to please people, offering them words they don’t need to hear trying to fill the silence.
I realized how much I said “sorry” even when I did nothing wrong. I realized how much I begged (nagged) for my husband to hear me. I even realized I don’t owe anyone an explanation of what I am doing or why.
I can come to conclusions, and think a lot more clearly when it is just me and God without all the other voices in my head.
I’m just over 30 hours into my speaking fast and I am really enjoying it.
I don’t need anyone’s permission to feel hurt.
I don’t need to speak to try to make others feel comfortable.
I don’t need to explain myself.