I’m struggling. I feel so alone sometimes. I don’t like sitting with these feelings.
I’m frustrated because I know my mind isn’t working like it should. The memory gaps. The cognitive dissonance. The excuses. The lies I keep telling myself.
I still go back into that cycle thinking that maybe I could have done better. Maybe if I had been a better wife he wouldn’t have betrayed me. If I was a better wife he wouldn’t have divorced me. I go back into the cycle of thinking maybe he’s a changed man now. Things will be different. Thinking that he will make it right. Wanting to open the door to be hurt again.
Healing isn’t easy.
Trying to give myself grace.
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